Schema: Self-defeating, core themes or patterns that we keep repeating throughout our lives.
THE ENTITLEMENT LIFETRAP
The following are signs this Lifetrap might be active:
- Trouble accepting no as an answer.
- Getting angry when you don’t get what you want.
- Feeling you are special and should not accept normal constraints.
- Put your needs first.
- Have difficulty getting yourself to stop problem behaviors; such as drinking, smoking, overeating, etc.
- Cannot discipline yourself to complete boring or routine tasks.
- You act on impulses and emotions which gets you into trouble later.
- If you cannot reach a goal, you become easily frustrated and give up.
- You insist people do things your way.
- You have trouble giving up immediate gratification to reach a long-term goal.
The following may be why and how this Lifetrap developed:
- Weak Limits: You may have been given whatever you want. You were not taught frustration tolerance.
- Dependent Overindulgence: You were overindulged by parents so you then became dependent on them.
The following are ways to break this Lifetrap:
- List the advantages and disadvantages of not accepting limits.
- Confront the excuses you use to avoid accepting limits.
- List ways your problem with limits manifests itself in everyday life.
- Ask for feedback as you try to change.
- Try to empathize with people around you.
- If you have self-discipline problems, make a hierarchy of tasks and work your way up.
- If you have difficulty controlling your emotions, develop a “time-out” technique.
- If you have dependent entitlement, make a hierarchy of tasks in terms of difficulty. Gradually do tasks you usually let others do for you. Start proving to yourself that you are competent.
With structure and patience with yourself and others, you can improve this Lifetrap to have more meaningful relationships.
Reference: Young, J. & Klosko, J. (1994). Reinventing your life. Penguin Books. London, England.