Schema: Self-defeating, core themes or patterns that we keep repeating throughout our lives.
THE FAILURE LIFETRAP
The following are signs the Failure Lifetrap is active:
- Feeling like you are less competent then other people.
- Feeling like a failure when it comes to achievements.
- Feeling most people your age are more successful.
- Feeling like a failure as a student.
- Feeling less intelligent than people you associate with.
- Feel humiliated by failures with work.
- Feeling embarrassed around others because you don’t feel you measure up.
- Feeling that others think you are more competent than you really are.
- Feeling you have no special talents that really count.
- Feel you are working below your potential.
The following is the way this Lifetrap may have been developed:
- You had a parent that was critical of you. You may have been called names, such as dumb, failure, etc. This parent may have been abusive.
- One or both parents were successful and you believed you could never measure up to their standards so you stopped trying.
- You may have felt that your parents either did not care if you succeeded, or they were intimidated by your success. The parent may have competed with you. They may have worried about losing your companionship if you were successful.
- You felt inferior to other kids because you were not as good in school or sports. You might have been uncoordinated, had short attention span, or had a learning disability. You may have stopped trying in order to avoid humiliation.
- You were compared unfavorably to brothers and sisters. You stopped trying because you believed you could not measure up.
- You may have come from another country or your family were immigrants. You may have had less money then classmates. You felt inferior to your peers.
- Your parents did not set enough limits for you. You did not learn self discipline or responsibility. You may have failed at homework and studying. This led to failure eventually.
The following are ways of breaking this Lifetrap:
- Access if your feelings of failure are accurate or distorted thinking.
- Get in touch with the child inside of you who felt, and still feels, like a failure.
- Help your inner child see that you were not treated fairly.
- Become aware of achievements related to talents, skills, abilities, and accomplishments.
- Try to see patterns in your failures.
- Once you see the pattern, make a plan to change it.
- Make a blueprint and follow your plan; step by step.
- Involve your loved ones in the process.
With time and work, along with help from a professional if needed, you can break this Lifetrap and gain confidence and self love!!
Reference: Young, J. & Klosko, J. (1994). Reinventing your life. Penguin Books. London, England.