Schema: Self-defeating, core themes or patterns that we keep repeating throughout our lives.
ABANDONMENT/INSTABILITY SCHEMA
This blog will focus on the schema regarding abandonment and instability. If this schema is developed, it can manifest as the following:
• Perceives that people are unavailable for support or the support and connection is unstable.
• Believes significant others will not be able to continue providing support because they are not stable or available emotionally.
• Have a fear that their partner will die.
• The fear that their partner will leave them for someone else.
This lifetrap usually begins at an early age and many times before the person learns to talk. They may have had a close parent leave the home or pass away. This begins the lifetrap of believing that all relationships will end in the person leaving or dying. In other cases, the person may feel they have been abandoned on an emotional level.
Changing the Abandonment/Instability Lifetrap
- Understand and learn about the lifetrap.
- Pay attention to your feelings of abandonment. Identify the fear of losing people or your need to attach to people.
- Analyze past relationships to identify patterns of the lifetrap.
- Quickly identify and avoid people who appear unstable, unable to commit, or who are ambivalent.
- When you find a healthy partner, trust them. Remind yourself that they will not leave.
- There are normal separations within in healthy relationships. Don’t become jealous or become clingy.
It is beneficial to be able to recognize when the lifetrap is active. Self-talk is important to rewire the brain to have healthier and more satisfying relationships.
Reference: Young, J. & Klosko, J. (1993). Reinventing your life. Plume Printing. London, England.