Suicide is something that is devastating to families, friends, and communities. It is something that is talked about more often in this current day in age, however, is it talked about enough? People that commit suicide are sometimes thought to be selfish; not caring about the aftermath. However, what is the reality of it? The reality is that the person’s brain is not functioning in a healthy way which can cause repetitive negative thinking. If not helped, the person can become convinced that the world is better off without them.
I remember a day in 2010 very clearly. It was by far the worst day of my life. It was not because I had to tell my nine-year-old son that his father was no longer living; it was because I had to tell my son HOW his father died. For a nine-year-old, trying to process his father’s suicide was not an easy task. He would ask if his father was angry with him. I then realized that for children, they will carry the burden of guilt and feeling they were at fault because their brains cannot process suicide like an adult. Even an adult struggles with processing suicide.
I remember spending hours and many sleepless nights trying to piece the puzzle together. It became an obsession of trying to determine the exact timeline of the last hours of my son’s father’s life, his last thoughts, and any other thing I could think to figure out just so I could get an answer.
What makes suicide different then other causes of death is this: There will never be closure. Not the type of closure one gets if a grandmother dies, or a friend dies from an illness, or even a car accident. This is different. The “whys” and “how’s” will always be unanswered. The “should have” and “what if’s” will also be there. The aftermath of suicide is devastating because the guilt is placed on anyone that was close to that person.
With hard work and help, a person can get through losing a loved one to suicide. They may go through many stages of grief, and sometimes that grief may come back years later. I do not know that it gets easier, but maybe it gets different and becomes more manageable. The person can begin to accept that their loved one was unhealthy and recognize that we cannot prevent what we cannot predict. Self-care is crucial when working through any loss. As well as being able to ask for help when needed.
Being aware of the signs of suicidal thoughts can be helpful. However, many times there are no signs at all. A person can only do so much to try and reach out to help a loved one, but ultimately, we have no control over what happens. What we can control is knowing the signs, reaching out and offering assistance and possibly helping a person through a rough time in their life.
Warning Signs of Suicide
Increase substance use
Aggressive behavior
Withdrawal from family, friends, and community
Dramatic mood swings
Impulsive and reckless behavior
Collecting and saving pills or buying a weapon
Giving away possessions
Tying up loose ends; paying debt; getting paperwork in order
Saying goodbye to friends and family
If identified, there are some ways to help:
- Talk openly and honestly. Don’t be afraid to ask questions like: “Do you have a plan for how you would kill yourself?”
- Remove means such as guns, knives or stockpiled pills
- Calmly ask simple and direct questions, like “Can I help you call your psychiatrist?”
- If there are multiple people around, have one person speak at a time
- Express support and concern
- Don’t argue, threaten or raise your voice
- Don’t debate whether suicide is right or wrong
- If you’re nervous, try not to fidget or pace
- Be patient
If you or someone you know is in an emergency, call The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) or call 911 immediately.
Reference: National Alliance on Mental Illness. (2020). Risk of suicide. Retrieved from: https://www.nami.org/About-Mental-Illness/Common-with-Mental-Illness/Risk-of-Suicide